I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
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I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
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We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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