For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
