I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
