bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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