From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
