I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
