Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
