Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Everclear isn't food dammit
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
