happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
