so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
