She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
