so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize