If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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