Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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