I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
