i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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