I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
