Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
