about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
