There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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