the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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