ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
