Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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