Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
