i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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