I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
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omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
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I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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