GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
