Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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