Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
