i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
