her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
