My room smells like vodka and shame
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
