i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
