wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
