I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
