now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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