My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
