Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
