Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
