Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
