Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
