If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it glows. i had to have it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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