sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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