And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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