Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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