The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
