I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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