If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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