Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
