First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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