Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
