you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
