Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
