i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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