Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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