i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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