i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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