i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
