omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
