Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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