i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
