i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
