And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
